Food for thought


I’ve often wondered how our world would function if carnivorous animals had evolved to be the dominant species on this earth, attaining the intelligence level we as humans now possess. Imagine if we, as the less intelligent species were the hunted, rather than the hunter. Using comparative ages, what would be the outcome?

Well, to begin with, chicken flavoured humans would be very popular, and not long after their first birthday slaughtered for their meat. Potentially, if we layed eggs our life expectancy could be 10-20 years, however, as we are not, would be of no use, so don’t expect any of the rest of us to survive for more than 3 weeks… if that.

At Christmas and special occasions, the turkey flavoured humans would be fattened up as the basis of a great family meal. Generally anything from 1 year olds to 4 years olds would be palatable. Very few would last any longer. What’s the point of wasting all that grain?

Of course, bacon flavoured humans will be at their best around 2 years old. The female humans, if fertile, could live to anything between 21 and 35 years old! After that, they’re pretty much left on the shelf.

Female bovine type humans are unlikely to live in the best conditions, but they may on average survive for up to 20 years – perpetually kept pregnant to provide human breast milk. The males at their best may live for anywhere between four and ten years old. Lovely meat they will provide as well. Unless they are male dairy cows – who will be lucky to last a week before being sent to human heaven.

A rarer human delicacy would be the duck flavoured variety, who reach their peak at around 9 months old. Very nice with orange I’m told.

Finally, the sheepish humans are truly at their best between 18 months and 3 years old. Not particularly intelligent, and very submissive… like lambs to the slaughter. Not much use otherwise – not hairy enough!


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